I am awesomely surly today, letting all the bad dreams run over into daily life, noticing that the two aren’t so different. I am struggling in both. I’m showing too much on my face — red eyes, dark eyes, a solid nonsmile. It used to be that I could get away with this kind of transparency at work, but no longer — I’ll never pass for okay in this state if I’m faking it.

According to creepy (I shouldn’t be looking at this shit) horoscope #389720, I’m already doing everything wrong and am being a pussy. Who knew!

The mess of my car is well aligned with my emotional state — I am either too busy and well to care, or it’s obvious that I don’t give a fuck and wouldn’t know where to start anyway. All I mean is that as much as I feel I’ve got my shit together in some aspects of life, there’s always an underlying messiness of emotion or physical stuff I want to push away and pretend it’s not there. I hate that about myself. Among too many other things.

Not sure what to do, or how to make myself feel better this time.